Say Something Read online

  Say Something

  by Jennifer L. Allen

  Say Something

  Copyright © 2018 Jennifer L. Allen

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Published: Jennifer L. Allen 2018

  [email protected]

  Editor: Aimee Lukas

  Cover Design: Cover Me, Darling

  Dedication

  To anyone who has ever experienced infertility…

  You are not alone.

  You are not less than.

  You are enough.

  To my husband…

  Thank you for always being my biggest fan,

  Even Especially when I didn’t feel like I was worth it.

  Table of Contents

  Author’s Note

  - 1 -

  - 2 -

  - 3 -

  - 4 -

  - 5 -

  - 6 -

  - 7 -

  - 8 -

  - 9 -

  - 10 -

  - 11 -

  - 12 -

  - 13 -

  - 14 -

  - 15 -

  - 16 -

  - 17 -

  - 18 -

  - 19 -

  - 20 -

  - 21 -

  - 22 -

  - 23 -

  - 24 -

  - 25 -

  - 26 -

  - 27 -

  - 28 -

  - 29 -

  - 30 -

  - 31 -

  - 32 -

  - 33 -

  - 34 -

  - 35 -

  - 36 -

  Epilogue

  Playlist

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Connect With Me

  Books by Jennifer L. Allen

  Author’s Note

  This book touches on something that far too many couples suffer in silence about. Infertility. It’s amazing how many people you know have experienced it to some degree once you start talking about it. I struggled with infertility years ago, and after a year of trying to conceive, I finally had some tests done and learned that I had to have my fallopian tubes removed, a partial hysterectomy, just like Jessica in the story. If I hadn’t gotten breast cancer, IVF probably would have been an option for my husband and I, but it’s off the table now. Adoption is the way we’ll go when we’re ready, and that’s okay. We always talked about adopting, even when we thought we could have our own biological kids. Our experience with infertility kind of reinforced the idea that adopting was what we were meant to do, you know? I took some liberties with the storyline here, since I didn’t experience everything my characters did, but some of what they went through—what they felt—was directly from my own experiences. If there’s anyone out there who is experiencing or has experienced infertility, I just wanted to write this note to let you know that you are not alone. It may still be a taboo subject for much of society, but it’s absolutely not something to be ashamed of. You are not less than because of this, you are more than enough. We are enough. <3

  - 1 -

  I steered my car down the two lane, one-stoplight street that bisected my hometown of Oak River. The small town was aptly named for both the tall trees that lined nearly all its roads and the river that was nestled behind the properties on the north side of Main Street. I hadn’t been back for years, yet nothing seemed to have changed. If anything, it was greener, the lush landscape having filled in even more.

  I never thought returning to Oak River to live was something that was in the cards for me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my small hometown, but I’d always imagined bigger and better things for myself. I guess I’d envisioned a lot of things for myself that never happened.

  Turning onto Maple Lane, I passed by the Law Office of George A. Smith, right on the corner, soon to be the Law Office of Jessica L. Price. I smiled at the thought…at the promise for my future. A new beginning in an old, familiar place.

  I reflected on all that had transpired over the past month. Buying the practice from Mr. Smith, quitting my job at a corporate law firm, and packing up my entire life to relocate back to the place I’d grown up. Stranger things had happened.

  Three minutes and a few turns later, I was pulling into the long cobblestoned driveway of my parents’ Tudor-style home. The massive home was tucked back in the trees, and it took half a minute of riding down the driveway before it came into view. I had just shifted the car into park when my mother came running out the front door, her dark blonde hair, identical to mine, flowing behind her.

  “My baby is home!”

  I put on my best smile, pushed open the door and hopped out of the car. “Mom!”

  She embraced me in a way only a mother could and for the first time since everything went so terribly wrong, I cried in my mother’s arms. I unloaded the burden of not being able to have a baby. I let go of the memory of Danny walking out the front door of our home nearly four years ago, officially slamming the door shut on our marriage—our future. I cried.

  “Oh, baby. Don’t cry, don’t cry,” she soothed, running her fingers through my long hair the way she had when I was a child. “You’re so brave. So brave for doing this. I’m so proud of you. You’re going to do so well here. Everyone in town is excited to have you back. They’re proud of you, too. One of our own becoming a big shot lawyer.”

  I laughed through my tears. “A big shot lawyer?” Hardly. I’d been at the bottom of the totem pole at the corporate law office I’d worked at prior to moving home. I basically proofread contracts that were put together by the other attorneys. Big shot was not how I’d choose to describe myself. But I couldn’t complain. It had been an easy, brainless job with a ridiculous salary that afforded me the ability to purchase the practice here in Oak River and not live off ramen noodles while I waited for the business to prosper.

  My mother pulled away and framed my face in her hands. “Not at that place in the city,” she said “city” with distaste—my mom loved small town life and couldn’t understand why anyone in their right mind would want to live amongst so many skyscrapers and exhaust fumes. “Here in Oak River. You’re not even thirty yet, and you own your own practice! You’re a big shot to us simple folk.”

  I smiled genuinely, my chest filling up with pride. My mother was right, though I’d disagree that there was anything simple about the people of Oak River, but I did have a lot to be proud of. I was a big shot, in my own right.

  “Let’s get your stuff inside. Everyone’s coming over for dinner tonight to welcome you back.”

  I paused on my way to retrieve my overnight bag from the trunk and glanced at my mother. “Everyone?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “The family,” my mom said. “Me
lissa, Michael, Bryan, Karla, and the kids.”

  My smile was back. I couldn’t wait to see my brothers and sister. And my nephews and niece…I hadn’t even met the youngest, Evan, and he was three years old now. I should be ashamed…but being around babies—around someone who was pregnant—at that dark time in my life had been difficult. I wasn’t in a good place. It was never that I wasn’t happy for my brother and his wife—I was. I loved them both so much and they deserved every happiness bestowed upon them, children included. I’d never wish them anything other than the best. It was the reminder that my body was defective that hurt me so much.

  I only hoped they’d understand. I hoped they’d forgive me.

  I walked across the lawn towards the front door and caught a glimpse of the old latticed archway in the garden on the side of the house. Memories of a happier time came rushing back.

  Feeling like a princess high up in a tower, I looked through the window of my childhood bedroom, out into the yard full of family and friends. The sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in the bright blue sky, it was a beautiful day. My parents garden was the perfect, colorful backdrop for our big day. Mom’s flowers had bloomed in bright reds and pinks, bold oranges, and luscious violets. She’d planted them all earlier in the season with my special day in mind. Deep green ivy climbed the lattice of the archway Danny and I were getting married under in a little while. It was picture perfect.

  Moving my gaze a little to the left, I watched Danny interact with his groomsmen, which included his brother, Dean, as his best man, and my brothers Bryan and Michael. I know I wasn’t supposed to see him, but how could I resist? He was so handsome in his tux. He looked so confident, too, like there was absolutely no question in his mind that he was where he was meant to be in that very moment. I felt the same way.

  Just as I watched my father approach Danny and wrap him in a fatherly embrace, a knock sounded on the door.

  “You decent?” my sister, Melissa, called out.

  “As if you care,” Karla, my sister-in-law commented as Melissa pushed open the door, not waiting for a reply from me.

  I smiled as my family poured in the room. Behind Melissa and Karla was my mom, Danny’s mom, and Danny’s sister, Darcy. The three girls, dressed in identical lilac knee-length gowns, made up my bridal party. My mom and Danny’s each chose a different peridot ensemble.

  “Oh, you look beautiful,” Mrs. Thompson said as she entered the room. She went straight to the bed and picked up my veil. She had done my hair earlier in the day but was waiting until after I was dressed to attach the veil. “Danny is going to be beside himself.”

  “There won’t be a dry eye anywhere,” Mom confirmed.

  “Were you peeking?” Melissa teased, looking out the window at the small congregation.

  I shrugged. “I may have checked things out.”

  “Tsk tsk,” Karla chided.

  “You look great, Darce,” I told Danny’s younger sister. She was always very quiet around us, and probably would have preferred to have been anywhere but there, but she was family so she was right where she belonged, whether she realized it or not.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled. At least I thought that’s what she said.

  “Are you nervous?” Melissa asked.

  “Are you excited?” Karla elbowed Melissa.

  I laughed. I’d missed those two while I was away at school. “I’m not nervous at all,” I answered, turning to them after Mrs. T had finished adjusting my veil. “It feels so right.”

  “Aww,” they said together.

  “You guys are the perfect couple,” Melissa added.

  “You make my son so happy, Jessica,” Mrs. T told me.

  “He makes me so happy.”

  Mrs. T went into her purse and pulled out a small jewelry box. “If you haven’t already picked out earrings for today, I’d love it if you’d wear these. They were my mother’s. She wore them on her wedding day, I wore them on mine, and I’d love it if you’d wear them on yours.”

  I opened the box and nestled in a little cloud of cotton were a simple pair of diamond stud earrings. They were more beautiful than anything I had in my jewelry box. “I’d love to wear them.”

  “I had them cleaned,” she said, removing them from the box and handing them to me.

  I put the studs in my ears and looked at my reflection. Mrs. T appeared behind me and placed her hand on my shoulder. “They’re gorgeous,” I said.

  “You’re gorgeous. I already considered you a part of our family, but after today it will be official.”

  Tears welled in my eyes as I placed my hand over hers. This moment was so special to me. I smiled at our reflection and took a deep breath. In just a short while, I’d officially be a Thompson.

  My life couldn’t possibly get any better.

  ***

  “Did mom tell you?” my sister, Melissa, asked later that night.

  It turned out I had nothing to worry about. The entire Price brood had welcomed me back into their lives and their hearts with open arms. My younger brother Michael had been a little standoffish, but overall, I’d call my first family dinner in several years a success. The kids asked me all sorts of questions about living in the city. I even fielded a few questions from my nephews about whether I’d ever met any superheroes. Sadly the answer to that question was no, even though I could have used a little Captain America in my life. Or the actor who played him. Or Thor. Really, I wasn’t picky. Any of the Avengers would have done just fine.

  “Tell me what?” I asked, handing her a dripping wet dish to dry. I picked up another dirty plate to scrub.

  “Danny’s back.”

  I dropped the dish I was holding. It bounced off the edge of the counter, narrowly missing the sink, and crashed to the floor, shattering to pieces at our bare feet. The room went deathly silent, save for the ringing in my ears and the echo of the broken plate.

  Danny’s back.

  “Don’t move,” my father said from the doorway, setting down the casserole dish he was carrying in from the dining room. He moved to grab the broom and dustpan from the mudroom off the kitchen and returned to the kitchen to start sweeping.

  “Everything okay?” my mother asked, walking into the kitchen. “I heard something break.” Bryan and Karla had left with the kids about thirty minutes before, and Dad and Michael were clearing the table while Melissa and I washed the dishes. Mom had been relaxing in the living room, sticking to the motto that the cook never cleans.

  “Just a plate, dear,” my father answered, still sweeping up the mess.

  I hadn’t moved, still frozen in place over the sink, staring blankly out the window into the backyard. Melissa looked at me with a concerned expression. “You okay?” she whispered.

  I snapped out of my fog, nodding. I even offered her a poor attempt at a smile, but she could read right through it. It’s one of the reasons I had stayed away over the years. I was so transparent. My family could always see right through me. There would have been no hiding my torment. My sorrow. And I didn’t want the pity...I couldn’t handle the pity.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, placing my hand on her arm and stopping her from saying anything else. “Just caught me by surprise.”

  Danny.

  Danny Thompson.

  My high school sweetheart.

  My first love…my first everything.

  My ex-husband, whom I hadn’t seen in years, just happened to be back in the same small town as me. Why? How? When? I had so many questions. None of which I even had the right to ask anymore. What Danny did was no longer any of my business.

  “We’ll talk later,” Melissa said, not entirely letting me off the hook but giving me some reprieve in the presence of our parents. I rolled my eyes but nodded at my persistent sister.

  Why couldn’t I catch a break?

  The evening had been so peaceful...so wonderful. I enjoyed spending time with my parents and
reconnecting with my siblings and the kids; they accepted me right into the fold. Turns out my brother and his wife talked about their “auntie in the city” with them all the time, so they felt like they knew me already. For the first time in a long time, I had felt like I was somewhere I belonged. Like everything might have finally been okay.

  Why did the bottom always have to drop out?

  - 2 -

  “Want to talk about it?” Melissa asked once we’d said goodnight to mom and dad and retired to our shared childhood bedroom. There were plenty of rooms in the house, but Melissa and I had always shared a room, even when we grew out of it. She had a house on the other side of town, but she insisted on spending my first night back in Oak River with me. She was truly the best sister. The better sister.

  Younger than me by one year, Melissa had followed in our father’s footsteps and gone to college for journalism. Our family had owned the local newspaper for generations, and she was currently a staff reporter. I was sure that when Dad eventually retired, she would take his place as Editor in Chief. She would have earned it, too, having started out on the bottom rung of the ladder as a clerk, running errands for anyone who needed anything. She’d fallen in love with the hustle and bustle of the newsroom back then—as much as Oak Ridge hustled and bustled—and I wasn’t surprised when she’d chosen it for her career.

  “I was just surprised to hear his name,” I told her the partial truth. Sure, I hadn’t heard Danny’s name spoken aloud since our divorce proceedings, but it wasn’t his name that shocked me. It was the fact that he was here, in Oak River. He’d wanted to get out of here as badly as I had, more so even. He had his sights set on big things, like coaching college football somewhere amazing.

  We’d had so many dreams back then…our whole lives ahead of us.

  “Surprised he’s back?”

  “Yeah,” I admitted, burrowing further under the covers of my old twin bed.

  “I heard he’s coaching at the high school.”